Being a victim actually doesn´t have to mean being a victim. The power game runs on both sides. Victim role often hides manipulation, blackmailing, hidden aggression, abuse, SM tendencies,…. My teacher calls it big attachment to drama and polarity. Victim sometimes seeks this role and receives rewards for playing this (sometimes theatrical) part – love, attention, sympathy, time, compassion. People, who don´t know how to own their own power, play the victim role to receive the energy from the others. Great compatible buddies are for them the martyrs and saviors. The best enemies are the aggressors.
Victims are often not aware that they abuse other people the “same” way how they are being abused by the aggressors. They use all their power to be weak and needy of help, depressed, isolated (”I´m alone on everything, I can´t anymore”).
To realize this pattern in ourselves cost a lot of courage and clear self-reflection. It hurts a lot. It brings up wild emotions. It takes a lot of previous suffering and desperation, to the point when we can´t anymore, and we just have to change. Those accumulated emotions help the process tremendously. The emotional body bursts, crashes, and the released energy helps to reset, heal and reprogram the system. With lot of conscious practice we are then slowly able to change our behavior, reactions on triggers, mindsets and then life.
This is the most rewarding thing in the relationship. Beginning of the transformational process is rough and we do it with tightly pressed teeth, but the expansion on the way is indescribably satisfying. Siiiiigh.